Thursday, December 20, 2012

Merry Christmas Colonoscopy

Wednesday Dec 19, 2012, at 56yrs old, I got the 2nd colonoscopy of my lifetime, fortunately I've checked out fine both times.

Terrence Howard has a personal connection to colon cancer; he lost his mother to the disease, saying, "Let my heartbreak be your wake-up call."
Although I certainly believe in getting screened, I'm miserable through the whole process.

The day prior - on clear liquids only. "Big Girl" likes to eat!

Evening prior - At 6PM, start drinking Part 1 of that nasty stuff,
I gag something awful, and for the next couple of hours,
I can barely get to the toilet fast enough.
Day of - at 1AM in the morning (in the middle of the night)
drink Part 2 of the nasty stuff,
gagging again, and running to the toilet again.

Day of - get up at 6AM
and hurry to the hospital
and wait, and wait, and wait
until 8AM when they get around me

I wake up after procedure with stomach pains
from the air they have pumped in me.
I'm walking like a newborn calf but
I manage to get dressed and
Nurse Ratched makes me sit down in a wheelchair
my brain is terribly foggy, my eyes can't focus very well
and my stomach cramps even more when I sit down
so I stand up, holding on to the railing, and
start walking along the hallway
Nurse Ratched comes running and fussing
"you must sit down in that wheelchair."
I sit down, Doctor comes by and reports that I have a healthy colon.

Ratched tells Mike he can go down to get the car.
Mike leaves, Ratched leaves,
my stomach is cramping and I feel like I'm going to throw up,
I stand up and see a sink across the way,
I hobble over and have my head in the sink gagging,
Ratched comes in at top speed
"I told you that you could NOT get up"
I'm hanging on to the sink for dear life
but she starts pulling the jacket I'm wearing
going back towards the wheelchair,
I throw up slime on floor and my hand.
Ratched was pissed and ready to give me a lobotomy
when some sweet person
came over and cleaned slime off my hand
and rolled me downstairs to the car.
Merry Christmas to Sweet Person
Thank You
for the Rescue


1 comment:

DebH said...

Oh man, that sounds like you got a little too empty my girl! I know that feeling, as I also need my food/energy/CARBS!!! The prep for a colonoscopy is miserable, I agree, but Hip Hip Harrah for you that you got a clean score! After some hearty meals, its all just a painful small memory. Hopefully next time you won't have to get too empty that is makes you sick! That nasty drink is the killer for me. I always think that one is over kill..