elected official in North Carolina

I, Joanna Wilcox, as an elected official in North Carolina, due solemnly swear, if an incident/s is uncovered about me by the tabloids or any other media, and I can't afford the blackmail payments, I promise not to be involved in coverups, misused campaign funds, falsifying DNA reports, denying the existence of video's taped during some of my sexual escapades, or making hush-money payments to people with your tax dollars, which would be in order to preserve my political ambitions. I promise that fame will not warp me. I will spend my days working for you and not angling on how many times I can score.

If I do get caught in a scandal, and after two years I confess through my high-dollar lawyer, I'll jump in front of a camera so fast in a disaster area, it'll make your head spin!

Seriously, I've 'bout had it with politicians. We knew all along John Edwards, the one-term senator from my beloved North Carolina, who came close to being elected vice president in 2004 and ran a credible campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008 was the baby daddy of that little girl.

After he admitted paternity of Rielle Hunter's daughter, the National Enquirer is applying for a Pulitzer Prize now , I didn't make that up.

As long as he is taking a paycheck from the people, yes, how he conducted himself while he was in office and then out on the campaign trail is my damn business. Edwards wife and staff may assist in the all the coverups, but if you are my politician and you get caught in something, zip up your britches, look me in the eye (in that order) and admit that you have been misrepresenting yourself as the person that you claimed to be to me.

I've gotten to the point, I don't care what political persuasion they are, forget the usual campaign promises, the standards for me electing future politicians have been lowered and we've got to get back to the basics. I'm volunteering my time to compile a questionaire for the folks who will be running for elected office in the future, please note if you have any question suggestions,

1) do you have a shred of decency in ya?
2) can I trust you to tell the truth?
3) if you are elected to office, can you continue to be the person that you represented yourself to be?
4) are you able to respect the people and the tax dollars that you work for?
5) are you insatiable sexually? morning, noon, and night? just daily? what?
6) is your life partner so ambitious too that s/he will stand by you no matter how much humiliation that you bring upon her/him?
7)